Chapter 7; God

Such strange things are words, with fixed alternating attachments and meaning to them. Such are words that we use as a language to displace meaning beyond the actual experience. The use of words seems to facilitate thinking and inevitably to fill the role of conscious action through the transubstantiation of them into action, practice, and experience. Godsend. Perception. We fall in love with form only to have it wash away back into the visceral ocean of our imaginations, only to be reborn again with amnesia of ever having had existed in the first place. It seems it has to be this way; otherwise the world would be too perfect. It is often said, that living in a world surrounded by mystery is much better then living in a world knowing everything.
So there is a lot I don’t know, a lot. And what I think I do know is false too, but there is a difference when I believe in my self, and not the concerns of those around me. But existence is not impersonal. This is the point of this departure into ideas with words, which is the stated purpose I am trying to find.
If there is an existence, (I am HERE) that which gives life, (HOW am I here), there might be the possibility that I have a divine purpose, (WHY am I here) maybe one I could wake up to. The first answer is, Just Be. That seems simple enough, but if I am doing, those questions innately arise when I am just being. The reaction to that is, there are no answers, but again, this is a cop out of the ego that prescribes its own individuality and importance over that which has followed you your whole life. The inner knowledge, the witnessing observer to all that is, and to that all omens and signs are geared toward in order to facilitate and quicken attunement to your destiny and fate.
Back to god. Literally. It’s a long journey home but with the sands of time, I am sure we will all make it. The nature of god is a difficult one that could take up infinite pages, and has with all the books ever written, but that won’t detour the passion in my mind to know god, or the intensity in my words that request an explanation, an explanation for life. Even if it is wrong, as long as it is good enough for me, I think I could then die. But there in lies the problem. To die, to dream, to live yet again in this countless sea of immortality.
I move out of a nihilistic hedonism, and into impersonalism (I am God), which I am not, and onto voidism (everything is nothing) I still feel I am failing.  For if my life is not prescribed by my own foolish and selfish intentions, how can I know the will of god if I want to act in service to it. Following your heart, and listing to intuition seem to come into play here but I am having difficulty listening to something that gives me mixed messages. I am still at Chapter 1, with an identity crisis. The identity crisis of God.
Not of the impersonal soul, nor of the personal ego, but of the spiritual ego. Our own identity with the divine itself. This relationship determines a lot about our intentions and actions in the world, which is why I feel it is one of the most essential factors to explore in life. Rather then focus on my relationship to the world, the material, I am interested in my relationship to that which the world and I exist. If I can understand this, then my role with the material world will of course greatly change from my shift in perspective. And continues to do so. All this running around belief has led me to know that all relations to a higher force are just to that. There is no proper dogma or methodology to worship god, as there is only one-god-faith, although it is perceived with many names. It is a matter of cultivating that relationship in you that is necessary and cause you to re-examine all of your relationships and where they stem from, or as to where they are going. Walk the beauty path. Namaste.