Chapter 15; Personal History
Some important events for me, which lend themselves to finding truth in, are as follows;
As a young boy the truth always amused my intellect. To have a thirst for knowledge, that was never
satisfied. I recall stumbling through the lessons of youth, with one thing biting my mind; never to be
satisfied with the answers I got. Beyond the philosophical implications of this, there are some actual events
that must be transcribed for future and past reference. I am just going to go with the ones that stick out. It
is difficult to be a continuous seeker as it refers to saying that nothing is true, but as I question my
assumptions more I am becoming content in a relative state knowing that knowledge is relative.
Let us now discuss the point where I went crazy then postal. There are many events in my life, that cause
me to question who I am and who I am not! This will lead me to believe that I am not necessarily my
physical constructs. I am not the forms that I identify with.
2005
After starting and running the gallery/art space, The Yale Art Center, for over a year, and going to college
for four, I was unhappy with the life I had been leading or leading me. Put into that stew was the trial of
painting my honors thesis, “the Search of Being� which suits the story perfect.
The search was a quest, but what I am longing for I still do not know or rather am confused about
sometimes. The world was dictated to me through the manipulation of many things. With my confusion of
identity, there facilitated multiple drug use to try to escape the confines of my own mind, which I did
successfully at many times. This particular time led to the mystical death and resurrection of the wounded
healer through LSD.
With finals approaching, the stress of trying to maintain my relationship with my circumstantial identity, and
the belief in the failure to get my message across with my thesis, I was utterly hopeless. I instead decided
the first bit of my truth I will divulge.
That my life was the basis of my decisions, that all decisions and choices led up to now and rather then
living the role others wanted me to live I left. As you sow, so shall you reap. You’re responsible for
you actions. This freedom caused me to drop everything, including, my friends and go into quasi-solitude
for six months. This created a huge controversy and to add to that I got a job working for the post office.
So instead of going postal at the post office and then crazy, I metaphorically experienced this backwards.
Appreciative that life will always teach you whatever you are ready for and that we must learn from our
mistakes knowing full well that we will make them.
A little known fact during that excursion, I thought I was to get married, but fate knew better for me.
Instead, at the last second, I got rejected after a six month affair that shred what was left of my heart, and
I decided that nothing would do, so I went on a solo vacation to Europe, thinking I could find whatever it
was I was seeking out there.
15.5 Going Euro.
After going crazy then postal, I went Euro. Besides the beauty, there was the stress and pain of being
away from everything comforting and into the hands of distant and foreign places. This is a great exercise
in letting go of the false comforts and security we surround ourselves with a d really taking responsibility
for the life have created for ourselves both personally and on a world level. It was there I got a taste that
you could do anything you wanted to in life, as long as you are able to navigate yourself to those options. I
don’t know it. I am living it. Information made available only by the mainstream media. Our only given
vision. It determines who you think you are. Or to a larger degree what you are allowed to think about.
You don’t choose a dish that isn’t on the menu. I think its time to go eat at another restaurant.
Actually, its time to go cook some healthy food at home. This journey showed me on a deep level that
things are not always as we think them to be and that life is miraculous and some of us have to learn the
hard way.
That is something we tend to forget as we are seemingly trapped into our situation and choices. But I say
no, liberate your self. If you’re not happy, travel wide. But this paper is here to look at the essential
nature of the soul rather then that of the millions of material existences possible, which is also important,
but I would rather work top down, then bottom up.
European Stories for our enlightened viewers? no.
After going Euro, I went to NY, Chicago, San Francisco, all with the idea that I had no place to go. But
alas, I ended up back home, back to the land of enchanting entrapment. We always end up home whether
or not we consciously plan for it or not. I ended up finishing school in spring 2006, and moving out from
my father’s roof. One thing that I could finally come to terms with. Rather then my belief that I could
help anyone, with what I deemed wrong with them, It is better to asses my own situation and soul, and try
to fix myself. This is a repeated lesson that to be on our perfect path allows the room and space for
everything else to be on its perfect path, since nothing is separable. That is why we must first heal
ourselves, heal each other, and then heal the planet. This is why I am here.
What went wrong, or rather what is wrong, and how does one know? Critical self analysis on all
levels/dimensions of being.
After moving out into my place I found my tasks ahead of me like clockwork. First thing third.. . .
Some important events for me, which lend themselves to finding truth in, are as follows;
As a young boy the truth always amused my intellect. To have a thirst for knowledge, that was never
satisfied. I recall stumbling through the lessons of youth, with one thing biting my mind; never to be
satisfied with the answers I got. Beyond the philosophical implications of this, there are some actual events
that must be transcribed for future and past reference. I am just going to go with the ones that stick out. It
is difficult to be a continuous seeker as it refers to saying that nothing is true, but as I question my
assumptions more I am becoming content in a relative state knowing that knowledge is relative.
Let us now discuss the point where I went crazy then postal. There are many events in my life, that cause
me to question who I am and who I am not! This will lead me to believe that I am not necessarily my
physical constructs. I am not the forms that I identify with.
2005
After starting and running the gallery/art space, The Yale Art Center, for over a year, and going to college
for four, I was unhappy with the life I had been leading or leading me. Put into that stew was the trial of
painting my honors thesis, “the Search of Being� which suits the story perfect.
The search was a quest, but what I am longing for I still do not know or rather am confused about
sometimes. The world was dictated to me through the manipulation of many things. With my confusion of
identity, there facilitated multiple drug use to try to escape the confines of my own mind, which I did
successfully at many times. This particular time led to the mystical death and resurrection of the wounded
healer through LSD.
With finals approaching, the stress of trying to maintain my relationship with my circumstantial identity, and
the belief in the failure to get my message across with my thesis, I was utterly hopeless. I instead decided
the first bit of my truth I will divulge.
That my life was the basis of my decisions, that all decisions and choices led up to now and rather then
living the role others wanted me to live I left. As you sow, so shall you reap. You’re responsible for
you actions. This freedom caused me to drop everything, including, my friends and go into quasi-solitude
for six months. This created a huge controversy and to add to that I got a job working for the post office.
So instead of going postal at the post office and then crazy, I metaphorically experienced this backwards.
Appreciative that life will always teach you whatever you are ready for and that we must learn from our
mistakes knowing full well that we will make them.
A little known fact during that excursion, I thought I was to get married, but fate knew better for me.
Instead, at the last second, I got rejected after a six month affair that shred what was left of my heart, and
I decided that nothing would do, so I went on a solo vacation to Europe, thinking I could find whatever it
was I was seeking out there.
15.5 Going Euro.
After going crazy then postal, I went Euro. Besides the beauty, there was the stress and pain of being
away from everything comforting and into the hands of distant and foreign places. This is a great exercise
in letting go of the false comforts and security we surround ourselves with a d really taking responsibility
for the life have created for ourselves both personally and on a world level. It was there I got a taste that
you could do anything you wanted to in life, as long as you are able to navigate yourself to those options. I
don’t know it. I am living it. Information made available only by the mainstream media. Our only given
vision. It determines who you think you are. Or to a larger degree what you are allowed to think about.
You don’t choose a dish that isn’t on the menu. I think its time to go eat at another restaurant.
Actually, its time to go cook some healthy food at home. This journey showed me on a deep level that
things are not always as we think them to be and that life is miraculous and some of us have to learn the
hard way.
That is something we tend to forget as we are seemingly trapped into our situation and choices. But I say
no, liberate your self. If you’re not happy, travel wide. But this paper is here to look at the essential
nature of the soul rather then that of the millions of material existences possible, which is also important,
but I would rather work top down, then bottom up.
European Stories for our enlightened viewers? no.
After going Euro, I went to NY, Chicago, San Francisco, all with the idea that I had no place to go. But
alas, I ended up back home, back to the land of enchanting entrapment. We always end up home whether
or not we consciously plan for it or not. I ended up finishing school in spring 2006, and moving out from
my father’s roof. One thing that I could finally come to terms with. Rather then my belief that I could
help anyone, with what I deemed wrong with them, It is better to asses my own situation and soul, and try
to fix myself. This is a repeated lesson that to be on our perfect path allows the room and space for
everything else to be on its perfect path, since nothing is separable. That is why we must first heal
ourselves, heal each other, and then heal the planet. This is why I am here.
What went wrong, or rather what is wrong, and how does one know? Critical self analysis on all
levels/dimensions of being.
After moving out into my place I found my tasks ahead of me like clockwork. First thing third.. . .
