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Chapter 14. IMU, UMI Where are you coming from? Based upon criteria of your own interaction and interpretations, where are you looking at it from? The use of perspective and having a viewpoint to which you validate and judge your own existence. Lens of scrutiny. You are in heaven. You are in hell. Hell on earth or the kingdom of god is within you. Shifting the focus of your life? Impossible wishful thinking in a phenomenological world of duality. (Who is the master and who is the slave? Captain of my ship, master of my fate. Do you accept you’re self. You will always be (you?) You are me, and I am you, and when we are together, I become Youme. This reminds me that we can perceive form a state I call IMU, be so vast, so deep, so still, you begin to hear yourself talking, you begin to hear yourself thinking, and you begin to hear my thoughts. Be a cup so deep ready to drink in the life that is all around you. With my return from BM 06’ I pursued the false presidio of being an artist and making artwork to sustain my desires. This failed beyond belief and I realized by working with a master abstract expressionist, that real art is made for the heart and not the market. Any endeavors done for the results are always inferior to work done for itself. The purpose is in the process. Life is in the journey and it is not what we get at the end, but what we become along the way. It was during the end of this time that I first ran into a physical Angel. A being of true majestic interludes that would eventually crush, mangle, fragment and liberate my heart. This person had infinity in her eyes; I could stare into them forever. I sometimes wonder how many eyes I’ve seen, how many windows into the soul I have stared into, hoping to catch a glimpse of that innumerable landscape, lifetime after life time. This was a person I could divulge all my secrets to, someone I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind in front of. I felt like our souls were merging, but as the ego likes to find meaning and assign identity, I ruined it by not realizing that this was one of my sisters, to be a lover of life. Desire and temptation struck again to a confused child that saw the world in one glimpse. She left without a trace, the worst, yet best fate to behold me. One who knows much about becoming a ghost. To release those interlocking feelings within ourselves. This move left a lasting impression of longing, a theme I am quite familiar with. Pain is caused by getting what you want, and also not getting what you want. What turned out to be a love/hate relationship in my mind, turned out to be the flower of gratitude which now grows in my heart. I always try to remain thankful for all life has given me, and not to desire to possess love but set it free. I was able to love again by realizing, the feeling I had when I was with this person came from within, and I had the power to recall it whenever I wished. I lingered in this state, and even now, the thought of this person still causes me to smile. The hope that all greatness comes from within and it is only our outer manifestations that are a reflection of our inner states. |
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